The Rainbow Bridge
There’s a story shared among animal lovers that a rainbow bridge exists. A crossing between the living world and the afterlife.
The general theme is: when your beloved pet dies they wait beside the rainbow bridge until you die. Then you will be reunited to cross the rainbow bridge together.
Myself and Kerry, our rescue dog, on Kilkee beach, Co Clare, Ireland (1981).
Most references to the history of the rainbow bridge are attributed to a poem. While a number of possible authors of this poem have been put forward, the true origin is not currently known.
Our rescue dog Max sitting beside his brother Sam on my lap in my Nana’s house, Ballymote, Co. Sligo, Ireland.
When I lost my family dogs in the past, the idea of an afterlife that included animals never occurred to me. There was just the loss. The gaping hole and the silent grieving. Silent, because I assumed people would think it was “just a dog”. While at the time I felt very much alone in my grief, I was of course not the only person to experience such loss. Any person who has shared their heart with an animal understands the loss. And most of them grieved silently too, when their time of loss came.
In recent years I have joined a number of private Facebook groups, virtual spaces that have been created for people to share their love of dogs, their passion for animal welfare, their commitment to rehoming dogs from rescues, to celebrate pet-related milestones, to connect with people passionate about particular breeds, or to provide a safe space to grieve with likeminded strangers. It was in these groups I learned that the recognition of loss and grieving for our animals is hugely important to people across the globe. And how crucial it is to connect with people who understand.
The rainbow bridge is often depicted as a waiting place, where pets roam free until their owner dies. Then they will be reunited to cross the bridge together. Although this waiting place is usually described as a dog’s paradise, the waiting part didn’t sit well with me.
In the give-and-take of the human-canine bond, we are most certainly the takers.
I feel very passionately about teaching my children to respect animals for what they are and not for what they can do for us. Dogs evolved independently and then very much interdependently with us. This co-evolution of human and dog has resulted in them relying on us to survive, but their role isn’t to serve us. What we get in return from dogs is impossible to quantify. I needed something more than a waiting place. Something a bit less human-centric.
As I reflected on my relationships with the dogs in my life, each one felt more like a friendship or a relationship with a sibling. A side-by-side companionship, rather than dominant-subordinate. Dogs rely on us for certain basic things of course - food, water, shelter - but they have as much to offer us, if not more, than we have to offer them. In the give-and-take of the human-canine bond, we are most certainly the takers.
In turn, reflecting on past losses, it was clear that my last loss was my greatest. For many reasons. I have now learned that this particular dog is referred to as my ‘heart dog’. Now there was an idea that spoke to me. So I delved a bit deeper.
I found quotes about dog loss that moved me and stories that I related to, but I couldn’t find a description or image that fully described the pictures and emotions that this journey had evoked. It was time to get out of my own head and speak to another dog-lover.
At the very least, the Rainbow Bridge offers a way for a person to communicate to another that they understand the depth of their loss.
One lady who advocates tirelessly for dog parents in Ireland is Karen McCarthy, creator of Small Dogs Big City - Dog Friendly Ireland. Through her website, Facebook and Instagram pages you can seek out businesses and places to visit that welcome furry companions. Karen lost her beautiful dog Jasmine a year ago. March 2020 was a particularly difficult time to go through such loss, as it coincided with the very first lockdown in Ireland. Karen had heard of the Rainbow Bridge and while it didn’t necessarily correspond 100% with what she believed, she found comfort in how others “could easily reference 'rainbow bridge' in a way to show their own support or belief that [she] and Jasmine will be reunited again.“ So, at the very least, the Rainbow Bridge offers a way for a person to communicate to another that they understand the depth of their loss. Or, even if they don’t fully understand it, that they acknowledge and respect it. It’s a way for people to show you that they get it. Jasmine wasn’t “just a dog”.
Karen’s own beliefs are “more around souls being connected through many lifetimes”. She believes that “dogs and human souls have similar journeys to take, that we are all connected” and '“we will in some way remain connected and be reunited too.” This description really spoke to me, as it fit more comfortably with my own ideas.
When we open our hearts and homes to a dog, we truly are the better for it.
Our rescue dog Sam, brother of Max (ear on left), who died many years ago. Photographed in our house in Dublin.
I believe our heart has a special place, hidden away, that only opens when we bond with an animal. A spark ignites and the warmth of the flame never ever goes away. When we open our hearts and homes to a dog, we truly are the better for it. When they leave us, the grief is just as strong as the loss of any loved one.
My little tri-paw terrier dog Sam knew when I was sad. He would become visibly distressed to see me cry. His little quirks made me laugh every day: his selective hearing, his overactive tongue, his jingling collar, his fawn coloured fur everywhere. He saw me through so many heartaches and milestones in my life. He wove tiny threads around my heart that remain there to this day.
And so, my poem The Rainbow Bridge was born.
If you have experienced pet loss, recent or not, perhaps this poem can give you some hope. People mourn in many different ways, but it can help to know that you are not alone in your grief.
Antoinette x